The most important one is how I am still searching for approval and love outside of myself.
Some of you know that I studied acting. One of the reasons that I stepped away from pursuing it as a career was that I came to understand that I was using the accolades I would gain from my performances as a substitute for love. As my meditation practice became more and more important to me I felt it was time to sever ties to 'unhealthy' habits like that.
And here I am, years later, doing exactly the same thing. I have changed the focus from acting to teaching Tantra, but the essence is the same...when people accept and admire what I put forward, I feel happy...when they don't approve or misunderstand, I feel sad.
Fascinating the roller coaster I choose to ride rather than allow myself to feel the love within.
daily meditation
- Rest with your hands on your heart
- Try remembering a time in your life when you felt loved
- For example: the warmth of the sun on your face, a family member or lover holding you or looking at you with pride after a triumph, spending time with a beloved pet
- Allow yourself to fill out every detail of the moment that you are remembering...immerse yourself in it
- Then allow the memory to dissolve and continue to feel the resonance in your body
No matter the story that surrounds your experience of love, it is simply the catalyst, a mirror for the truth within. Knowing this can mean the difference between constantly seeking approval from your partner, and truly experiencing a sharing of love with them.
*For a more detailed description of this meditation entitled 'Awakening the Inner Lover' check out Margo Anand's book The Art of Sexual Ecstasy.
