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The Other Side of The Story...

With the support of my friends and my beloved Teacher, I have taken a deep breath and begun to look at what I am feeling through this process, beyond my frustrations with my love.

When my Teacher offered this 'project' to us, it struck a chord with me because of a couple of things. Throughout the workshop that we were at, I noticed that there were several times when my love wanted to make love with me and I was not feeling open. In these situations, every single time I took him inside of me anyway.

I took him inside of me because I love him, I took him inside of me because I knew I would enjoy myself once I went beyond my resistance, and I took him inside of me because I want more than anything for him to be happy.

One of the times when I had taken him inside of me against the messages of my body, as he was making love to me, he called me on the fact that I was shut down. He got very frustrated with me, pulled out and said that he did not want to make love with me in this way, he wanted all of me to be there when we made love.

The night before my teacher offered this assignment to us, she gave us all a meditation for the evening. The meditation was for the women to spend some time lying on top of their man, covering him with her entire body and just resting and breathing together. She recommended that after this practice we do not make love.

Much to my surprise, I felt in my body a sigh of relief, I would have an opportunity to receive my love, and give to him, and love him, and absorb his loving in a new way. I would have a chance to 'catch up with myself' where usually (I was beginning to realize) the lovemaking would often be two steps ahead of what I was truly ready to receive.

Several months before this workshop, I was noticing that more often than not, when I would make love with my beloved, I would shut down the moment before I would take him inside of me. This would manifest by my vagina getting dry (even if I was turned on moments before)...usually I would choose to take him inside of me anyway and the moment he would be in my body, I would open up, my vagina would get wet, and I could receive him fully.

Being the Tantrika that I am, I made a mental note that I wanted to begin to look at why my body was reacting in this way and how I could get more present to myself and my beloved. What was happening for me in these moments and how could I move through this and bring even more opening and receptivity to our relationship and to our lovemaking?

I love my man. I want more than anything to get to a place where I can receive him...I want to bring him ALL of my loving in every moment of our relating.

By ignoring the messages my body has been giving me and moving ahead with the lovemaking when I am not ready, I have been denying myself and denying him. I am only able to bring part of myself to the lovemaking...

It is because of his love that I am waking up to the truth about who I am sexually...making me more of a lover when I am tuned in.

This process is coming from a place of wanting to meet him fully and receive him all the way. In many ways it is an answer to the man who said to me 'I don't want to be inside of you when you are shut down like this'.

He is demanding all of me, I am attempting to discover who I am so I can meet him there.

~Charu

** Many of you are getting excited about joining in the conversation about the year off from genital sex. If you have something to say to me please post it as a comment on the blog rather than emailing me or calling. This opens the conversation to the community. Thank you. **

Also...if you are reading this blog and you are in the Los Angeles area you can join in our Tuesday Tantra class! Embody Tantra regularly hosts events open to everyone who is curious about how Tantra can support them in their lives www.embodytantra.com for more information.

Recent Challenges...

The most challenging thing that I have experienced on my journey of taking a hiatus from genital sex with my beloved is that I often feel like I am relating to two different men.

One man, is dictated by his past. When something is triggered in him, he reverts back to behaviors that have served him well in protecting him when he was a child, but are no longer helpful.

When I first got together with my love I wrote him an email telling him that I would kill him. At the time I knew that it was true, but I was not entirely sure what it meant. Now I am learning that what I meant was that being in relationship with me would bring to the surface his past and his ideas about the future and I would slay them.

Once dead, these habits would make way for another man. This is the man I fell in love with. A man who moves from his heart, connected to his body, in service of truth. A man who is not held prisoner from the pleasure of the present moment by the pain of his past or his future desires.

I believe that every woman sees this in the man she falls in love with, the absolute essence that is at the heart of man. I also believe that when woman trusts herself and her love, she will naturally demand to see this part of her man and when she does not she will feel hurt, sad, frustrated and seriously pissed off.

That is what I have often felt throughout this process. Through my own confusion, I can see quite clearly that this process is bringing to the surface all of the sides of both of us that are limiting us and it is making way for true love to live through us. I know this because I see the past and the future spilling out of my love when he is triggered and feeling trapped by the situation.

I also know this because when he surrenders to the moment, and shows up with his heart to meet me, we are experiencing rare depths and our relationship is deepening in ways I could not have imagined.

After experiencing such depths, it feels insulting to me when he speaks of how this process of abstaining from genital sex is some kind of 'shut-down' or elaborate trap. Because I have seen the side of him that knows this is not true.

I have read enough self-help books to know that what I see in him is merely a reflection of what I am going through. I acknowledge and embrace that. In this blog I am attempting to share, uncensored, what my perspective has been.

One of the reasons that I have chosen to write about his struggle and our struggle together as we navigate this assignment, is because I read him the blog I wanted to post and he thought it was too 'airy fairy' and avoiding the truth of the absolute war that we are experiencing within.

He was right.

This process is not easy.

This process is Tantra.

It may be the first time that Tantra has truly shaken us to the core and is literally requiring that we face our patterns and move beyond them.

I am not interested in denying my love anything, what I am interested in is discovering what might happen if for even just one moment we stopped trading needs and actually related from love.

I have surrendered my life to this inner knowing that there is more. It is tempting to stop asking difficult questions now that I am in the relationship of my dreams, but life is supporting me as I keep going. This is me putting my money where my mouth is. This is Tantra.

....and I have no idea what will happen next.

~Charu

For more information about me and my perspective on Tantra check out www.embodytantra.com and join our mailing list to receive a FREE weekly newsletter with Tantric Tips and updates on upcoming live events with me!

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....

How often do you lie?

Not only to the people in your life, but to yourself?

What do you think would happen if you didn't?

In our society it has become customary to lie on a daily basis...worse than that, we also run around telling our children not to...which just makes for a very confusing world of untruths and half-truths that we cling onto to survive within our reality.

The major side effect of not telling the truth is that we never have to be intimate with anyone. Yup.

For example, last night I made dinner for my love. I worked hard to make sure everything was perfect...he sat down to eat and then got up to grab a fork from the drawer...I got totally upset and closed down (I know this sounds a little crazy). To me, him getting up to get the fork was equal to him saying, 'you didn't set the table' it translated to me that I had fucked up and done something wrong. Of course, to him he was being helpful. (I just love how the simplest moments can offer us so much wisdom about our behavior).

So, the opportunity for intimacy comes when I say to him, 'by you getting up and grabbing the fork for yourself I feel like you are saying that I did something wrong'. I have exposed myself. I showed him who I really was in that moment; silly, insecure, overly-sensitive and HUMAN. He then had the opportunity to have a voice in the situation, take a step closer to me and say, 'That was not my intention at all, I was trying to be helpful'. Now, we are in relationship. I was honest with myself, with him and we met in an intimate space.

The scenario could have easily gone a different way. I could have kept my feelings to myself. Or not even admitted to myself that I had silly feelings like that over something so small. I probably would not even feel like I was lying, this falls under the category of a very sneaky kind of lie, an omission. I would have been less available to him for the entire dinner and in some small way, we have grown apart. I have denied him the opportunity to know me in this moment and he does not have a chance of really getting close to me.

Tantric Tip: Sure signs that you are guilty of an omission: your body tightens, you feel extra saliva in your mouth, you can't figure out what to say, you feel a tightness in your belly, etc.
**The body is amazing because it is actually trying to support you in being honest, especially with the person it is hardest to do it with...YOU. The body does it's best to get your attention and let you know something is out of balance.**

This is just one example of a simple way it can play out in relationship. Lies and omissions seep into every part of our life. The next time you find yourself complaining to a friend about someone in your life...I dare you to go directly to the source and share exactly what you are feeling with the person you are feeling it about. Whether it is that you want to kiss them or kill them and why. Do your best to take responsibility for your experience...it is highly likely that even if something very much looks like it is their fault, it isn't.

It might sound scary or even impossible to say what you mean when you feel it in every moment of your life. You may even think that you are holding back because you want to spare the feelings of those around you, but that is just bullshit. You are holding back because you are deathly afraid of being intimate. Intimate with yourself and intimate with those around you. Because after all, what in the world would you do if you had nothing left to complain about? You might just have to allow yourself to be happy...and we have not been programmed for that.

The Celibate Tantrika?

Tantra never ceases to amaze me. I am just returning from a retreat called Beyond Bliss with my beloved teacher Dawn Cartwright.

The workshop was amazing and much to my surprise, in the final moments of sharing, my teacher shared a strong intuition...due to my beloved and I being so in love, so committed to a lifetime together, and so identified with who we are sexually, she suggested that the next step for us to go deeper... was to take a year away from genital sex.

The craziest thing is that as she said it, although I did feel the world crumbling beneath my feet, I also had a sense that she was right. Somehow she had simply spoken what my body was trying to tell me. I would never have drawn the conclusion myself because my identification with being a sexual being is simply too strong for me to consider such a thing.

The journey since June 1st, my 29th birthday, when she offered this exercise, through to now has been a whirlwind.

In these few days I have seen all sides of myself and my beloved. I have exposed the sides of myself that are terrified that taking time away from sex will inevitably push my love away. The sides that secretly think he only loves me for my pussy. The sides that swore never to be the kind of woman who 'withholds sex'. The sides that just want to please my beautiful man above all else. The sides of myself that have considered settling for where we are because it is sooooo amazing and honestly, it is the deepest connection I have ever seen in relationship.

It has also reminded me of the side of myself that committed to truth and love above all things. The side that trusts in Tantra, trusts in myself, trusts in him ...that knows we have unknowingly chosen this together.

It has been too emotional to decide if we are ready to commit to the year, so for the time being we have committed to abstain and have a conversation in 10 days once we have moved through the initial layers of shock and emotion and decide what feels true for us ultimately.

Four days in and I am already so much closer to myself, so much closer to him, and so much deeper in partnership it is amazing. That is the thing about Tantra, it is different for everyone...some will come to me for guidance and I will suggest that they make love all the time, even when they are not 'in the mood'... that is what will lead them deeper, for me it just may be a loving partnership with loads of chemistry, but no sex (for now) that shows me more of what is available between two human beings.

I can see and feel him loving me in new ways, I feel his love and desire for me when he walks in the door and I let it seep into my body. I lay naked on top of him and absorb our connection, I trust that it has pathways I have not yet discovered and I do not try to manipulate it. I feel lost sometimes, without my 'bag of tricks' to satisfy my man... instead of throwing my vagina at him I trust that my loving is touching him in all that we share.

I still have so many questions and fears. I am reaching for support from my community and I feel their love and caring. I am scared that he will leave me, or search out sex somewhere else. Scared we will grow apart or forget how to relate to one another. Scared that our sexual energy will die down or become dormant from lack of use...

...but a part of me knows that none of that is true. When I am deeply honest with myself, a part of me has been calling for something more. Often after our lovemaking in the last several months...I have said to my love, 'I know there is more...more of me, more love to share....and I am going to find out how to share it with you'. I am scared to admit that I know inside of myself, that this strange suggestion is the very thing that will open the door to true love. A love beyond the beyond, a love and connection that so few people ever get close to... I am on the edge of this discovery, the only thing left to do is jump.

For more information about Embody Tantra click to our site www.embodytantra.com

Sleeping with Monsters

Facing the uncomfortable feelings...

How much energy do we spend running away from our pain? Most of us tamp it down into dark corners of our bodies and lock many inner-doors to avoid feeling it, this creates tension and makes it less and less likely for us to experience pleasure. When we begin to open up to the love that is available to us in life it starts to shine through and it awakens the body and blasts open these doors that we have locked shut.

My favorite example of this is once in the beginning of my relationship, my love said he would take me to the movies....by the time he got home from work and changed his clothes and came to pick me up it was too late for a movie...we would have to go out to dinner instead. I was DEVASTATED! (This is one way that you can know a present life situation is awakening a past pain...the response is enormous in comparison to the event. This is a good thing). Rather than tamping it down again or throwing it back onto those around you to move away from the discomfort in your own body, you have an opportunity to bring awareness to it, allow it to 'live itself out' and make more space for aliveness, love and flow in your body once and for all. As far as I am concerned this is the only true way to transform...allowing these monsters to live fully until they tire themselves out and make way for more love.

In fact, the more love you are experiencing in your life...the more monsters you will potentially unleash. It is the love that shines and flows through the body...busting open those locked-down places that are holding experiences that we did not know how to cope with when they first showed up in our lives. Now, with love and awareness, we can allow them to live, look them in the face, not run from them and be freed forever. Here is the thing though, in my experience, this process is never-ending. Meaning that once you begin to face your monsters, and open up those locked down doors as you make way for more and more love to flow through your body, your life becomes an ongoing adventure of unraveling the 'stuckness' inside of yourself and facing monster after monster that has been getting in the way of you living your life in freedom and love.

As my own journey has evolved, contrary to what I had pictured, rather than look the monster in the eyes and become enlightened forever, I actually have found myself living a life side-by-side with my monsters. Watching them change form, become angels and devils and everything in between and generally experiencing gratitude when they show their strange and ugly faces... whoopie! Another opportunity to live fully! Another opportunity to experience more and more pleasure in my body! Another layer of what has been holding me back uncovered!

See, and here is the thing...people always want to know how to have more or better orgasms...and this is how it happens. It does not happen by fiddling or pressing or licking. It happens when we are brave enough to get in bed with our monsters, courageous enough to look them in the eyes and through this process we make way for more and more pleasure and love to flow through our bodies. I am orgasmic the moment I feel my Beloved's penis inside of me. I did not learn how to do this from a book, or an overnight fix, or a magical pill or vibrator. I experience pleasure because of the continuing relationship I have with the sensations in my body and my warrior-like quest to face my fears and all that holds me back.

Tantric Orgasms

What is an orgasm exactly?

Most of us have come to believe that an orgasm is that moment after a build up of energy in our genitals when we experience a feeling of 'explosion' or 'release' and usually a drop-off in energy after. Often when we have this kind of orgasm, we create tension in the body and hold our breath in order to 'achieve' it. We are usually referring to a sensation from the past that we would like to experience, and we are dreaming of the future when we will again be filled with that rush of pleasure.....all fine, but what about being here and now?

Any meditator knows that the thought behind any and all forms of meditation, inculding Tantra, is to be totally present to what is happening NOW. The idea is that beyond our thoughts from the past or the future, lies the true bliss that this moment has to offer.

In Tantra, we say that we are actually orgasmic beings. Which means that when we are totally present to this moment, in our body, and we are free from tension and blocks, we are actually in an orgasmic state. WHOOPIE!

Suddenly, this makes meditating sound a lot more interesting...

So, if I am an orgasmic being....then why would I spend my energy trying to 'have an orgasm'? I don't need to. What would happen if when I experienced that feeling of arousal in my genitals instead of tensing my body and thinking of how I want to have an orgasm, what if I relaxed my body and allowed the arousal to show me a new sensation? One that is not based on the past or the future, one that is unfolding right here and now in my body.

The truth is that there is MUCH more pleasure available for us than we have allowed in. The Tantric meditations have been one of the tools that have allowed me to discover the pleasure in my body, but the most powerful discoveries have come from within. The moments when I have dared to relax my body and allow it to take me to the places that I may have been avoiding while I was heading for my precious 'orgasm'.

What my body has shown me is a sensation of aliveness running all through me, arousal encompassing my entire body, a feeling that I can best describe as sitting in the center of the 2-3 second orgasms I had become accustomed to. This pleasure can stretch out forever because it is simply my natural state, rediscovered. I can experience this state throughout my lovemaking, and beyond that I can experience it in everything that I do. Sipping a cup of tea, working at my computer, chatting with a friend. The only thing that is required is that I keep breathing, relax my body, and allow life to surprise me.

For more information about how you can discover this orgasmic state check out one of Embody Tantra's April classes or read more about it in my very favorite book Tantric Orgasm for Women. Even though the book is geared for women, I find it amazingly supportive for men as well. Enjoy!

Insecurities

Opening up my heart and my life in this blog has offered many discoveries for me.

The most important one is how I am still searching for approval and love outside of myself.

Some of you know that I studied acting. One of the reasons that I stepped away from pursuing it as a career was that I came to understand that I was using the accolades I would gain from my performances as a substitute for love. As my meditation practice became more and more important to me I felt it was time to sever ties to 'unhealthy' habits like that.

And here I am, years later, doing exactly the same thing. I have changed the focus from acting to teaching Tantra, but the essence is the same...when people accept and admire what I put forward, I feel happy...when they don't approve or misunderstand, I feel sad.

Fascinating the roller coaster I choose to ride rather than allow myself to feel the love within.

daily meditation

• Rest with your hands on your heart
• Try remembering a time in your life when you felt loved
• For example: the warmth of the sun on your face, a family member or lover holding you or looking at you with pride after a triumph, spending time with a beloved pet
• Allow yourself to fill out every detail of the moment that you are remembering...immerse yourself in it
• Then allow the memory to dissolve and continue to feel the resonance in your body

...you are the love that you seek.

No matter the story that surrounds your experience of love, it is simply the catalyst, a mirror for the truth within. Knowing this can mean the difference between constantly seeking approval from your partner, and truly experiencing a sharing of love with them.

*For a more detailed description of this meditation entitled 'Awakening the Inner Lover' check out Margo Anand's book The Art of Sexual Ecstasy.

I am terrified of men...

The weekend before last, while my love was away at his Men's Weekend, I had a rare opportunity to spend some 'social' time, alone.

I spent most of Saturday working and I had a client in the evening. We were going to do some filming after the session to show at an event I was speaking at. I had gotten myself all dressed up and even put on some makeup.

My client had to cancel last minute and I found myself at 8pm on a Saturday night all dressed up with no place to go!

I resolved to take myself to a late movie. Here is where things get interesting...

The first thing I did was go home and put an ugly sweater over my beautiful outfit.

Even so, I noticed as I walked the few blocks to the movie theater, I was incredibly self-conscious and tight in my body...terrified that I might attract attention.

Lately I have noticed that I often dress to avoid attention with the excuse that it takes too long to get all 'done up'. When I am dressed in this sloppy way I generally want to be invisible. I don't want to talk to anyone about Tantra, don't want anyone to 'hit on' me, and I generally feel inside that people are probably thinking I am ugly and dull. Since I know that I am not ugly and dull I live with a feeling that I am holding a delicious secret.

The few times that I have been dressed up when my beloved is not with me I have noticed this theme of wanting to cover up, and feeling very uncomfortable in my body...a strange feeling that by being more visible I might get hurt somehow.

When I arrived at the theater I was the only one there.

I cannot begin to describe to you how terrified I became. I sat alone in the theater watching my body tighten up, feeling my breath become more shallow, and watching a slide-show in my mind of all the terrible things that could happen to me in my vulnerable state of aloneness in this theater.

Being the Tantrika that I am, I knew this was an opportunity to discover something. The truth was that I was most likely not in any danger. So what was I afraid of?

I played with relaxing my body and allowing myself to feel the sensation of fear inside of me. Within a few minutes the tension would come back...

During this experiment I began to notice that I was hoping that a woman or a couple would walk though the door of the theater. Somehow, this would make me feel safe...

And I was terrified that the next person to come in would be a man.

What became more and more clear to me is how much energy I spend every day feeling unsafe around men. The reality is that most of the men I encounter in my life will not physically harm me, but that does not seem to undo a collective consciousness of fear that if I am alone with a man I am at risk of being beaten and raped. Historically, it has happened so many times, to so many women that I think the fear may unconsciously live on in all of us.

How much do I allow this fear to run my life?

In the way I dress, in the subtle ways that I make myself small so as to go unnoticed? In the way my vagina sometimes tightens up and won't allow my lover deep inside of me? In the way I sometimes unconsciously want to punish my man...forgetting that in my holding back from him I am also denying my own pleasure and freedom...

So, more importantly, how do I ever go about moving beyond these fears, which are surely coming in the way of me being radiant in my life and of deeply surrendering to man?

I think in this moment, just experimenting with feeling the fear, keeping my body relaxed and allowing it to flow through me is the most effective way to face the demon. And being honest with myself when I feel it. Whether it be alone in a movie theater, or in the arms of my beloved.

Sex and Meditation...

Last night my beloved and I went out to dinner.

We arrived home and enjoyed each other's company as he prepared chili for a pot-luck at work and I finished up with some last-minute work stuff on the computer...

We were exhausted. It had been a long day and we plopped into bed with lists of 'to do' running through our heads and visions of the new day that was waiting for us with its demands.

Once in bed, my half asleep beloved lovingly pulled me towards him. I could feel his intention to connect with me and I maneuvered my body into a relaxed position where I could easily take him inside of me....that's when the magic happened.

Suddenly, everything melted away and we were in an immediate state of meditation. The kind of meditation where you truly feel your connectedness to all things. Energy began to flow through us and we sailed deeper and deeper into the sweetness of the moment. Our bodies were almost completely still and relaxed as we gave way to the waves of orgasms that washed over our bodies.

...and I thought to myself, as I often do, how different this is from what I had once dreamed lovemaking would be. How deeply satisfying and truly beyond anything I could have comprehended.

Lovemaking has become the easiest, most delightful, healing meditation.

I share it with you to support you in knowing that this is possible for everyone...not only possible, but it is what we are made for.

What This Woman Wants...

In a world of being politically correct and men and women trying to act 'equal' I feel much has been lost in the relationship between man and woman.

David Deida writes very eloquently about how the feminist movement actually liberated the masculine qualities in women. That was an important and maybe necessary step for women in order to be seen and heard in a man's world. However, what we have lost over time, both from being oppressed for so long and from feeling like we needed to be equal to and act like men to find our place in the world, is devastating.

We, as women, have lost the essence of our femininity. We have lost the essential power of woman...and we have lost our ability to surrender.

Men, have become confused about how to be with us...now that we are so busy acting like them.

Men and women have lost the courage to be what they naturally are. Women are not able to be more masculine, without the 'feminization' of men.

...and we wonder why we haven't been fucked properly, in who knows how long, by a man we can trust!

Surrender is one of the most important elements, from both parties, in a relationship. It has become increasingly difficult to surrender in our world for several reasons; 1) we are constantly being lied to (by our friends, family, and the media), 2) we have been so severely hurt by the opposite sex as individuals and as a society we can no longer allow ourselves to trust.

Here comes the personal part of the story...

One day I will share the entirety of the story of how I met and got together with my beloved, the important piece of the puzzle in this moment takes place on a hike that we went on together which was to be our first official 'date', although we had known each other for several months and had already confessed our love to one another.

What my love did not know on that day was that I had become clear before our hike that it was not the right time for me to have a relationship and I was going to tell him as soon as we reached our destination, and got out our picnic, that I could not move forward at this time...

We arrived at the waterfall after a long and lovely hike, and took out our lunch. Then I launched... I began to tell him how I could not do this, it wasn't the right time, I was committed to my spiritual path, to love and truth, to rediscovering my sexuality in a new way...and I felt I needed time on my own to get clear before I began a relationship.

He listened to me, looked me in the eyes, and said, 'You say that you are committed to love and truth above all things, and that is why you can't move forward with me...but you seem completely blind to the fact that love is here, with me, and you are using your 'spiritual path' as an excuse to avoid the intimacy that is available to you'.

Gulp. That fucker! Who does he think he is? Isn't he supposed to just listen to me, tell me he respects my opinion and leave it at that?

...and then something amazing happened...I got wet. You see, before this moment I had only interacted with men who would listen to what I said, and 'allow me my process'. Men who would not get their hands dirty by telling me the truth at the risk of hurting my feelings. Men who would rather maintain the status quo than fight for a loving relationship.

And I knew he was right. I knew it through to my core.

Then I began to cry...I cried for all of the things I might potentially lose by choosing to be with him; how my friendships would change, how my precious new spiritual practice would have to change, how everything would be unknown in the face of this love.

And he just held me. He didn't shhhhhh me, he didn't say, 'don't cry', he didn't try to tell me what I wanted to hear, he didn't apologize for hurting my feelings...he held his ground and loved me.

(It is important to note that in the past I have used my tears as an unconscious way to manipulate men into seeing it my way and giving me what I want. It is also important to note, that once they have done this I immediately find them less attractive.)

After about two hours of crying, I looked him in the eyes and said, 'you can fuck me now'.

And it was the best decision I have ever made in my life.

The surrender I experienced and continue to experience in this relationship comes from a deep trust that my man is ever faithful to truth and to love....even if it will hurt my feelings. I can also surrender because I know that he will not be manipulated by my emotions like so many men have. He will allow them, witness me experiencing them, love me through them, but they will not change his opinion or stance on any issue. As a man, he is clear within himself, and I can relax into and trust his sense of direction and clarity. I can be a woman.

Bringing this back to Tantric sex (since this is the memoir of a Tantrika)...my beloved showing up as a man in this way and my surrender to him, is probably the number one factor in why our sex life has transcended what I had dreamed possible. And to those who think that Tantric Sex is just about hours of lovemaking and fancy breathing techniques... without the element of surrender, these are pretty much worthless.

What Every Man Should Know...

Recently I have had the honor of working with several men who have dared to be very honest with me about their relationship to their penis.

It seems to me from what I have learned that every man has been programmed to believe that he should have a rock-hard erection at all times. This myth has grown so far and wide that modern science has even made an attempt at solving it by creating a little blue pill, so every man can be hard even when his body is giving him a different message. This little blue pill has done us a great disservice because it has made it easy for us to ignore an important message from our bodies.

I would be shocked if there was even one man reading this blog who has not experienced a moment when his penis did not get hard when he wanted it to.

So, here is the lowdown as I see it:

Most people today are cut off from their genitals...desensitized. Many young men are completely unconscious in their genitals and they are simply driven by biology. Biology ensures that they get an erection at any and all times possible in order to ensure the growth of our species. What biology is ignorant about is the fact that an erect penis without a connection to a man's heart is a potentially dangerous thing.

Most men and women don't have any idea what we are carrying in our genitals. Men are often carrying anger, guilt, hate, confusion, shame...and more, in their genitals. This has been created through a repression of the sexual energy in our society. When an unconscious man penetrates a woman he leaves her with a residue of all of these tensions and unfelt feelings that are living in his genitals. Woman receives this for two reasons; 1) she is cut off from her own genitals, 2) she is created to be a 'receiver'.

If a man is lucky, he will experience a moment in his life when his penis becomes or longs to become conscious. When it is tired of being a slave to biology and sees an opportunity to connect with the heart. One example of how this may show up, is in a moment when a man is about to penetrate a woman whom he does not love or care for, or he can sense that she does not love or care for him and the penis chooses to be soft, refusing to participate in the charade any longer. Most men experience great fear, sadness, shame and confusion when this happens.

If this has happened to you I say, 'congratulations, your penis is awakening to it's true potential'.

You see, a penis is not there to merely impregnate women and use them as a device for momentary pleasure...a conscious penis has the potential to take you home. To bring you back inside of woman, from where you came. To offer her great healing and offer you a sense of peace, well being and balance.

A conscious penis is valuable and alive throughout all levels of tumescence. This is because a conscious penis is at all times sensing into and reading the messages of a woman's body.

Woman is not always open and ready to receive a rock hard penis. In fact, if our body is not open, facing a hard penis can be downright scary. With an alive and intuitive penis woman can relax knowing that she will be met exactly where she is at. If she is not ready for lovemaking, the penis won't be either...if you are in the middle of making love and she tightens up a bit, the penis will adjust to her needs and soften so she can again open and relax.

This is where my very favorite lovemaking technique comes in: soft penetration. Soft penetration is exactly what it sounds like...woman takes her man inside of her while his penis is soft. This is an AMAZING opportunity to re-sensitize both the penis and the vagina. There is a natural resonance and intelligence that our genitals have which most of us are completely shut off to. When we rest the genitals together, we give them the space to awaken and re-connect with their true power and intuition. From this space truly transformational lovemaking can arise.

As for me, discovering this truth has changed my life and allowed me to surrender to my love in new ways. I can feel the true gift of every level of tumescence and the love with which my beloved's penis moves as it feels into me and my deepest needs and longings. Just as I spoke about in the previous entry, it knows when it can fuck me senseless with absolute love, and when I am feeling scared and shut down and I need a softer, more tender penis to meet me before I can invite him all the way in.

To read more about how you can practice soft penetration check out my favorite book Tantric Orgasm for Women for detailed instructions and much more info about growing conscious in our genitals.

in love,
Charu
323.363.3135
www.embodytantra.com
embody truth, embody love...embody Tantra.

for more information on classes and sessions with Charu click here

Man and Woman Come Together...

My beloved just came back from a Men's Weekend workshop...I don't know what they do there, and I am certain that I don't agree with everything, BUT....boy does he feel amazing!

He is radiant and VERY masculine! I mean, as if he wasn't already masculine enough...

It has called forward another side of me, even more feminine....and equally powerful to meet this powerful man.

I got scared when he first got home and I felt him, scared that I was not enough woman for him. He just keeps getting more and more amazing. As soon as I had his penis inside of me my fears subsided. What I feel most blessed with is that with him showing up so powerful, I could see and feel the potential for even more power, aliveness and embodiment to arise in me. Like my container for what is possible as a woman just expanded and now I just have to allow myself to fill it.

The lovemaking has been so rich. A new layer has been introduced. I am consistently surprised by what is possible between two human beings.

The first night he was back it was raw. He could feel my uneasiness around how to welcome him back and how to 'be enough' for this new man and he simply "knew" he had to fuck me back to my senses. We tried a new position where I was wedged up against the wall in a corner...it was lovely, I felt like I was in one of those intense movie scenes that everyone talks about.

The second night was literally unbelievable. The highlight was that he chose to cum inside of me,which he rarely ever does. I had been in a consistent state of orgasm for a good while during the lovemaking and as he orgasmed I followed him. At first we were in slightly different rhythms, our 'peaks' were not matched, but then we seemed to surrender to it at the same moment. Identical sighs came out of us and suddenly we were enveloped by the orgasmic experience together. WOW.

Once we transitioned, I felt this bubble-like energy around my head and covering my body down to my belly button. We sat across the table from one another having dinner and I could see that he had one too, this bubble of energy around him. Over dinner we had a wonderful, rich conversation about the workshops we have done, our friends, and how our relationship evolved. We spoke about the first Ecstasy of the Heart retreat when we got together and each detail literally came to life as we spoke. The strangest and most amazing moment was when I talked about how when I met him I was in a place where the only man I would give myself to would be the man I intended to stay with for the rest of my life. That is why the first time we made love was like a marriage to me.

As I said that I made a gesture with my hands, an opening. He felt this huge surge of energy and it actually moved his body as the energy passed through him.

...but that's not all...

When we were complete with our dinner and we decided to transition, he got up from the table. As he moved, I felt energy in my body shift, like the 'bubble' had spread out to consume my entire body. I felt I had to lay down right there and I did. Suddenly, my body began to go into orgasm. Not a quiet meditative state of orgasm that I often experience when I am on my own, but full, alive, ecstatic, delicious orgasm. As I fell deeper into it it began to happen to him as well across the room. We started laughing hysterically. How fucking crazy? We laughed our way into an embrace and felt ourselves totally in awe of the fun we have and the totally other-worldly things we discover through our loving.

Ever since then I have felt the hugeness of the energy that is me. I feel like I am more 'in' everything that I do. Everything that I touch, I truly feel through me, and everything that feels my touch is somehow enlivened.

New Beginnings

At the suggestion of my new friend and Marketing Guru Dave Dee, I have decided to begin a proper blog bravely revealing my Tantric adventures and opening my heart to the whole cyber-world. I am a little freaked out about the whole thing, but ever since I decided to do it I have felt so many inspirations that I can't even fit them all in one entry....go figure.

So, the journey begins. Please know that this will all be directly from my heart, uncensored, sometimes sloppy, always inspiring...

I hope you enjoy and I can't wait to read your comments as you participate in the discussion.

in love,
Charu